If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
