Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
