i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
