I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
