he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
