Swine flu. Run for my life!
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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