you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
