she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
