the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
