i jhust puked up my retainher.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
