I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
