This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
