Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
