i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
