yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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