The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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