I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
