I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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