Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
