I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
