I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
