From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
