He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
