Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
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