WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
