Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize