just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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