i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
