We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
