yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I got chris browned last night
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I want to walk on stilts...naked
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
