when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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