I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
