I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
