I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
