she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
