We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
