So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
