I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize