So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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