and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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