Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
How's work?
Spinning.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
