there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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