Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
