so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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