Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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