areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
