The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
