so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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