I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
