I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
