Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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