so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
