I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
