Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
