yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
whose parrot is this?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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