My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
