he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize