I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
