I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
