omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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