if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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