Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
