What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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