end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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