Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
