***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
