Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
