So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
